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Looking for a new lover?
No, this is not a personals ad! This week I had an interesting coversation with God. It came after I had a strange dream that bothered me for a couple days. In my dream I was on the phone with my wife. Nothing extraordinary about that, we like to talk to each other frequently. The odd thing was that I was asking her permission to go out with another woman. Now, don’t get excited, it wasn’t anybody you’d know. It wasn’t anybody I know. My wife gave an obvious response that any good wife in her right mind would give: “Uh, No!” I heard the tone in her voice and retreated quickly. “No problem, Babe. I was just checking.” I said in the dream. “I won’t pursue anything else unless you give me permission. You are enough for me.”
You can see why a dream like this troubled me. I have no interest in someone else, I am a very happy husband. It was only after I discovered that I had become consumed again with comparing myself and my success to other pastors that I began to understand. Slowly, quietly, and without notice jealousy had crept into my heart. I was hearing of other churches, other pastors that are experiencing great blessing and favor. But instead of rejoicing with them, I was saying in my heart “What about me?” Oh, I’d smile and say “Wow, God is good!” But it felt more like “Crap, God is good to everybody else.” I haven’t had a bout of envy like this in a long time, and I was sure that my ego was well-contained. That’s when I had the dream, and I woke up feeling guilty. I know I’m a little dense sometimes, and don’t always get it the first time, but I never connected the dream with my jealousy. So there I was in prayer, griping about all the cool stuff He was doing for my friends, and hoping to “get my cut”, when I heard a voice inside me ask “Aren’t I enough for you?”
There it was! I was pursuing blessing, success, the favor of man and I was asking God to give me all of this. It was as rediculous as wanting to find another lover, and asking for my wife’s permission! My dad used to ask “Are you asking God to bless what you’re doing, or are you doing what He’s blessing?”
I was ashamed that this garbage was in my heart, so I took it to God. What did I do? I made a huge list of all the wonderful things that He has given me, and all the ways that He’s prospered me (believe me it’s too long to list here). Then I prayed for my other pastor friends, that their church would be more blessed than mine. Don’t believe me? Watch this! This is my confession before God, my church, and my family in Christ.
I want God to bless me, but more than that, I want Him to trust me. I want to trust myself. God loves me like I was His favorite kid. How could I want more. LORD, YOU ARE ENOUGH FOR ME!
Following is a list of the greatest men of God that I know personally and if I wasn’t busy every Sunday I’d be at their churches.
Chan Kilgore
CrossPointe Church – Lake Nona/St. Cloud
www.xpointe.com
Gregg Heinsch
Celebration Community Church – Celebration
www.celebrationcommunitychurch.com
Kendal Anderson
The Crossing – Clermont
www.thecrossingchurch.org
Jerry Parries
Christian Family Worship Center – UCF Area
www.thechristianfamilyworshipcenter.org
Rick Fiechter
The Connection – St. Cloud/Kissimmee
www.connectionchurch.net
Bart Malone
Bridge Christian Fellowship Orlando – Downtown
www.thebridgeorlando.com
Keith Tower
HighPoint Church – Windermere
www.realliferealfaith.org
Derek Worthington
Doxa Church – Ocala
www.doxachurch.org
Mike Sehon
Church of the Highlands – Port Orange
www.portorangehighlands.org
Victor Montalvo
Reality Church – Lake Mary
www.realitythechurch.com
Barry Rice
GO Church – Lake Nona
www.gochurch.org
Renaut van der Riet
Mosaic Church – Winter Garden
www.mosaicfl.org
Roderick Zak
Rejoice in the Lord Ministries – Apopka
www.rejoiceinthelord.org
John Wright
Crosswalk Community Church – Titusville
www.crosswalkcc.org
Jeff Bigby
Canvas Community Church – East Orlando
www.canvasorlando.com
Jesse Carbo
The Roots Community – Davenport
Jamie Hart
CrossPointe Church – Winter Park
www.crosspointewinterpark.com
Joey Robles
The Bridge Orlando – Millenia
Wayne Wilkins
Antioch21 Church – UCF Area
Added May 27, 2009 by Sammy Pawlak
KonstantinMiller on Mon, 6th Jul 2009 11:11 pm
Hi. I like the way you write. Will you post some more articles?
Jennifer Bailey on Sun, 19th Jul 2009 11:52 am
Great comments. My husband and eye have seen you perform at DW with four for a dollar and loved your act. I will get to the point. We have decided to stay in Orlando area, however we are looking for a sunday night service. Do you have any recommendations? Thank you for your time.
Dumisile on Sat, 22nd Aug 2009 10:38 am
Hey what a dream my pastor? Its very confusing but thank God he revealed something that you could understand and im happy that you were able to change through taking the dream seriously .Its true God can really show you something with a dream.
mpho motlalekgosi on Tue, 2nd Mar 2010 4:55 am
‘are’nt i enough for you?’ what a question!Iam going through a lot of challenges now…i am not comparing myself to anyone at all but life has not been easy. My pastors wife was teaching us last week about carrying God’s easy yoke, she mentioned that the reason why we find it so difficult sometimes, is that we instead of putting aside every sin that easily besets us and casting our burdens to God is that we loose focus and we do the direct opposite. at that state we start looking for alternatives (looking for a new lover).those alternatives are never work as God would. i understand that from experience and it is painful. my prayer: God help me not to loose focus, show me what to carry and what not to carry so that i live a depression, stress free life because your grace is sufficient for me and you are more than enough.